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Monday, September 22, 2014


I have chased her across many lifetimes. I don't remember when or how, in which lifetime I finally realized this. It was a gradual awareness. At first, I would simply recognize her on first meeting; recognize her from some place deeper than my mind. My gut would cry out to me that this was the one. I would tighten up, preparing for the chase, the hunt, the eventual capture. This time, it will happen, I'd think.

Oh, it's not what you're thinking. Not THAT kind of a chase. I can understand why you'd think that way, though. I too, thought it was simple gut attraction, the old sex appeal, in those early lifetimes.
Gradually, I'd come to remember more on those initial meetings. After all, a felon can only elude capture so many times before their habits, their eccentricities become obvious. She's certainly caused my death enough times for my Integrity to become wary of her very presence. You folks would call it the soul.

Anyway, the next step was that I would recall that she was my foe, and start looking for evidence of her crime in this lifetime. The crimes of a fugitive, eluding capture. The crimes of an ever-expanding consciousness that knows too much.

Your Hindus and Buddhists have it right, by the way. Enlightenment IS a gradual process over many lifetimes. It's just, uh...well, not quite the Nirvana one would assume when enlightenment comes. At least not for us. Maybe not for you either, judging from how hard you AVOID enlightenment. Maybe you're afraid you'll become like us, an entourage of thinkers, not doers. I'm not really sure.
You see, we have to play by the rules when we go chasing after a rogue. It's not that either they or we are so fair-minded; it's just the natural law. And the natural law cannot be broken. Not without repercussion. Luckily, it doesn't happen too often.

So if they flee to a dimension where there is a brief "life" and then a chrysalis phase before moving onto the next one, and if they, by their natural laws, don't remember the succeeding phases between sleeps, then, neither can we. At least not as clearly as we'd like. As I need to.

It makes sense really. Can you imagine the damage an immortal could do to a world that believed in mortality? Even if that belief was false? Each dimension has it's own natural laws, like gravity, and when you enter that dimension, you just automatically take on the weight of it. No pun intended. It's just easier that way.

But we are also what we are made of, and therefore, once an interdimensional being, always an interdimensional being. You folks have your afterlife where you go during your sleeps. So do we, but ours is a different one.

You tend to make up for whatever silly mistakes you made during your last active stage, rest up a bit, chat with old friends, and then plan the next life. You sign your contracts, including your agreeable willingness to forget all that's true, and move back into time/space.

We generally avoid time/space. We are chroniclers by nature, a bit more boring and serious than you fun-loving Sol Revelers...err...Earthlings. We want to observe...and remember.

I was chosen for this mission primarily because I have chronicled you Revelers for so long. That's what we call you. The Revelers. Always anxious to feel good, always anxious to not feel bad, always anxious to Forget.

By the way, not that you'll listen, but I think you folks need to reconsider this whole "contract of forgetfulness" pact. It seems to me your society has taken on an increasingly violent and shortsighted path, and that enlightenment now takes longer than ever. Maybe that's the way you want it. I have never seen a dimension so doggedly determined to even ignore your sightings and intuitions. And this lame nag, science...but in a way, that's our fault too, isn't it? I mean, we GAVE you so many nudges to your science, to help you figure out your world, figure out solutions. I don't think we realized that, in doing so, we robbed you of your own mystique.

She was a Sol researcher too, back in the beginnings. (That's where your fond term "soul" comes from, by the way...that pretty little yellow orb that warms that planet you're polluting, even as you depend upon it). Anyway, she chose to interfere. And in OUR prime agreement of remembering, THAT is what we contract not to do. Not to interfere. Even these simple nudges we've given...well. They were never CONDONED. Simply unnoticed. Or ignored. She and I gave you so many of those...too many. Galileo...what was I thinking? And Davinci on her part…Jefferson...Tesla, well, before he did too much harm, but who knew Edison would come along and take so many of his ideas...

At first, it wasn't actually considered a crime, this decision she made. After all, we'd been monkeying about (again, no pun intended) in your business for thousands of years. Many of her fellow researchers cheered her. (I have always been of a cautious nature, and reserved judgment pending the outcome of the experiment). It was when you were first getting violent, moving beyond the little struggles for resources, that she got the idea.

From the point of view of the proposed experiment, it really DID sound wonderful. She would spend 50 to 100 years, a standard life cycle for your folk, on the planet, forgetting, of course that she was a researcher. She would live. And then she would return at the time of the rest cycle, and at that point would remember it all.

By FEELING what you feel, and reporting back on it, perhaps we could understand this developing penchant for violence among you. You see, we worried for your kind. Not just the committed sol researchers like she and myself. We'd all sort of adopted you, a sister species if you will, watching and enjoying your antics. But we didn't take into consideration that WE would never be able to forget it all. We are bound by our own natural law, not by yours. We couldn't ignore our dreams and visions or play them up to fantasy, as you, apparently, are impelled to do. The normal constraints of your society, coming from so many centuries of recycling through your environment, would not weigh us down as they had you.

So, she went to live among you, a babe in the woods. Those first lifetimes must have been desperately hard, desperately lonely when she realized that she could not, in fact, forget. Not everything. How haunted she must have felt. All we know for sure is that she did NOT return to us, as she'd agreed.

Did she show up in your afterlife? I really wish I could ask, but I have never been allowed admittance to the one place where you DO remember, and your emissaries always dodge the subject when we meet with you. If so, how did she get around signing the Agreement of Forgetfulness? Or is it non-binding, after all? But it CAN'T be nonbinding, or more of you would break it, and break it utterly. More likely, bound by our laws, but committed to yours, she went somewhere entirely different. Someplace neither here nor there. Was it accident? Or did she prudently avoid being recaptured to OUR dimension?

After awhile, we chroniclers detected a pattern in space/time that pointed out to us that she was following the process, living life after life, and NOT forgetting. As a conscientious researcher, she soon realized that she couldn’t simply flit from society to society and gain any real understanding. And of course, she recognized the pattern of violence and conquest originating from only that one part of the globe. So she picked a society and kept being reborn into it, traveling down the female line, watching it’s changes. She kept a low profile, but let's face it, lifetimes of wisdom are going to catch up to you. She became a grand prize.

It was the Battle of Troy that first caught our attention. Of course, your poor chroniclers, with their pitifully short memories thought that was all about physical beauty and social positioning. But really, she shone because she was a powerful mage, trapped in a limited form. Who WOULDNT want her for their people? After all, she knew so much! When we checked back through the records and recognized that each successive mother died on birthing this particular daughter, who would in turn die in childbirth...well, the progression of the Integrity was obvious. Yes. Your history books have it wrong. There's much that's wrong in your "history". Don't bank on it as truth. Once the progression of Integrity was obvious, that's when I was sent.

The reason I suspect the first few lives must have been horrible and lonely for her is because mine were. In each, my imperfect memory of having lived before caused irreparable harm to my social standing, and I was seen as a simpleton or worse. I knew too much of the wrong sorts of things, and I spooked people, until I learned to hide it. I succeeded only because the urge for self-preservation in ALL beings runs high, and because, I thankfully, returned to my own people for debriefing after each life cycle. I don't recall any other choice, on death, and I wonder how she avoids it.

At first, we tried to follow the policy of complete forgetfulness to the letter, to stay in tune with your natural laws, but, no matter what was done, I couldn't forget, in my next cycle, some imagery, some symbology, that kept me aware of the hunt, the chase. Furthermore, it was clear that I couldn’t even meet up with her in that condition, for SHE had awareness, and would be prepared against me. If I did meet up with her, what would I have been able to do? Or to say? She simply sealed my fate, and with your long childhoods, I had to wait before I could even begin the pursuit.

But we had also seen that Remembering in a society that Doesn't Remember, was dangerous to the Integrity, maybe even the reason that she went rogue. So, I was allowed to remember more, selectively and carefully. I was not transferring full memory as Diana was. This keeps me at a cruel disadvantage. And now I have made the crucial mistake.

I‘ve fallen in love with my prey, with the fugitive herself. Years of admiration have slowly, inextricably led me here. I've realized, in the last five lifetimes, I've thrown myself to my death, to prevent her capture. Everything has changed. Permanently. I know not what this bodes for your future, dear Revelers of Sol. There are times when she seems to be making progress against your violence. I believe, from my studies, that this is her goal. There are other times when it seems you are more on the brink than ever. She often, unwittingly, begins a war. And your weapons now, can take out far more than a battalion. Your weapons take out civilizations. I can but hope, that she is no longer the "face to launch a thousand ships" and go rogue myself, casting away these limitations imposed on me.

I'm dying now. To live again. Either to join her, or to destroy her, is yet to be shown. But while other's chronicle, I have broken free. I will not return to my own dimension this time. I WILL REMEMBER. And I will pursue Diana.

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

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