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Monday, September 29, 2014


the subject is phobias-
Your fear of love is obvious,
locked down entrances to your heart,
we slip what we can through the mail slot,
look for carelessly unguarded windows.
Somehow, we always find a way in.

I keep bravely approaching 
the edge of the cliff.
But whenever I look down, 
find myself scrabbling back to safety.
The rocks are slippery on the edge,
adn each time I recall that it's
not the height I fear, it's the eventual fall.

The subject is relationships-
You sidestep the very question,
and from what you say, 
the action as well.

I get caught up in the past,
or the impossible,
and find it difficult being 
present for whoever's truly there.

The subject is love-
you see it as imaginary,
and as something to avoid
falling into.

I see it as the highest form
of human expression,
and would gladly fall again
if I werent so damn afraid of heights.

At least we have the sense
to laugh at ourselves
and each other 
while changing the subject.

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Attention Span

It has come to my attention
That you don’t give a damn
And I should leave this place

Yes it has come to my attention
That you just don’t give a damn
I can see it on your face

I stayed too long
I just wanted us to be
All that we could never

Well I didn’t pay attention
Didn’t think much of the competition
Now it’s gonna cost me

Well I didn’t think you’d ever
And I was so damn sure
I saw forever standing there

And now I’m gonna think too much
Now what do I do?

It has come to my attention
That you don’t give a damn
And I should leave this place

Yes, I’m fine with it.
Doesn’t matter.
I need to think it through

(I need to be with you)
Yes, I’ll be alright.
Just let me be alone.

It has come to my attention
That you don’t give a damn
And I should leave this place

What?  No, Forget it.
I should leave this place.
I’m leaving.

If I could just find the door.

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

Monday, September 22, 2014

Road Trip

Photo by George Armstrong (This image is from the FEMA Photo Library.) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

"Detour" said the sign, and I agree.
It's been a long, long time.
I must have missed the turnoff
to take me back to the main road.
I've been lost on these little backroads 
and I can't find my way free.

Left turns are a great way
of catching a glimpse of what lies behind you.
But life in the rearview mirror
is closer than it appears.

Step lightly on the brakes,
or the past will overtake you.
It's a shame that life has so many
damned blind curves.

Well, if the road is winding,
at least the scenery's nice.
And it looks like it's all downhill
from here.

July 18th, 1996

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014


Up past my bedtime again.
I sleep best
when I wrap myself up in the belief
that you are here beside me.

Curled up around my memories,
along with an old, tear-streaked
shirt of yours
that probably smells more like me
than you at this point.

I convince myself
that the pillow is your back,
until I can almost feel you
breathing up and down.

So I drift off,
for an hour or a minute,
wake cold, restart the process,
and work myself fitfully toward

March 3rd, 1997
Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014


My life is different, now.
It revolves around car repairs and bills
instead of chases and thrills.
I write, instead of poems, lists.
Life is planned now.
It doesnt just happen.

Sometimes I miss my freedom.
I was so sure of my identity, then.
Even if it was mostly a fantasy
of my own making.
Now, it's too rooted in reality.
Mirrored reflections grow unkind.

Yet, I am not blind to the past.
I remember pathos, loneliness, yearning.
Looking for a place to be me,
a woman to share with,
a life of fulfillment.
This I don't miss.

For I have that, now.
No longer lonely, I'm loved.
No longer empty, fulfilled.
No longer Knight Errant,
I am...
Lord of the Manor?

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014


I have chased her across many lifetimes. I don't remember when or how, in which lifetime I finally realized this. It was a gradual awareness. At first, I would simply recognize her on first meeting; recognize her from some place deeper than my mind. My gut would cry out to me that this was the one. I would tighten up, preparing for the chase, the hunt, the eventual capture. This time, it will happen, I'd think.


If I could give you just one gift,
I'd show you the monsters under the bed
are not near as terrifying
as the ones in your mind.

I'd free your heart to love,
take down the walls that lock you in.
Show you how much you're hurting you,
and how much that hurts me.

If I could give you just one gift.
I would give you the gift of confidence...
in yourself, in your strength,
and in your ideas.

I'd give you clarity and sight,
an end to your confused run.
The perserverence to follow
a dream to it's end.

But all I can give you 
is my own love and support,
clear and true. 
Is it enough

Just keeping you in sight?

Mutual Paradox© Cammie S. Sinor, 2014

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